Freeway Liberation Day

Happy Freeway Liberation Day!

Yesterday, as thousands of Southern California high school and college seniors walked the aisle to “Pomp and Circumstance,” and set off to celebrate their new found freedom (enjoy it while you can, the summers are only going to get shorter from here out!), they set into motion the machinations for an even more noteworthy occasion,  “Freeway Liberation Day.”

Yes, today was the day that all those know-it-all “adultlescents” are too hungover or stayed up too late to wake up early and jam the roads of So. Cal. with their “I can text and drive, those accidents only happen to other people” attitudes and various other forms of mobile and audio distractions that populate their cars. Speeds of 70 mph were achieved on some of the most congested freeways across the southland including the infamously notorious CA-91. It was a great day to be late for work, because odds are you could make up the time. I did.

So hat’s off to the Class of 2011, and thanks for a wonderful Freeway Liberation Day! Join me in thanking a few of the class valedictorians:

You in the Nissan Sentra… the one who’s going 60 mph in the fast lane because you’re too busy talking on your handheld device while semis in the right lane pass you until the guy behind you tries to get around you and then you speed up. Yeah, that’s not gonna create tensions and the potential for an accident. Didn’t miss you. Happy graduation!

Blonde bimbo in the VW Beetle? So happy not to have to try and navigate around you as you put on your eyeliner this morning. Glad you weren’t here today! Happy graduation!

Oh, and Honda Nation boys? What a peaceful commute at even 70 mph to not hear your lame-ass fart can exhaust as you have to floor it to weave in and around each and every semi in an effort to get to class on time, yet never seem to gain enough ground to get out of earshot with your “please say excuse me” sounding exhaust. So nice not to hear you! Happy graduation!

Corolla S drivers, one and all: I know you know better than me because I admit it, I no longer know it all, but that S doesn’t mean shit… or maybe it does? Thanks for staying the Hell out of the fast lane for once, no you cannot keep up with the flow of traffic in that car despite the S. Wish you weren’t here! Ooh! Wish granted! Happy graduation!

Yes, there are many others, and I invite you to leave well wishes for your favorites in the comments section below. I hope your Freeway Liberation Day was just as happy as mine was. Unfortunately, like every holiday, I will have to pay the price tonight on the commute home as the class of 2011 once again take to the freeways to embark on another evening of partying and begin the process of mucking up the roads once more–only this time, with parchments that they believe confirm that they really do know it all.

God help us.

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